my suitemate is better than yours.

i like that selina and i have gotten really close.
i predicted it months ago just viewing her facebook and stuff.
i could tell that she'd be the one i'd really click with. and we do.
we talk deeply everyday. and i like it.
i'm really getting to know her and not just on that college acquaintance level.
but actually as in- potential friend for life.
and to be honest, i don't say that about too many people.
or i don't forsee that with too many.
i feel like facebook does a lot for keeping in touch.
but i don't really think it's 'in touch'.
it's more just we should hangout sometime.. but then never do.
or it's just a bunch of creeping, so you feel you know what the persons been up to.
all in all, selina is great. <3

maybe that's how heaven will feel.

i passed out tonight. for the first time in years.
it's been a long time, anyway... if not years.
whether it was the lack of sugar. or too much hookah. or both.
i'm not sure.
but i passed out.

and honestly, it felt really good.
when waking up thirty seconds later, i wished i hadn't.
something about not being conscious is great.
i don't mean that in some depressed state though.
because even when asleep and having dreams.. what is greater?

nobody actually enjoys waking up from a good dream.
and really, even a "bad dream"- you're in this alternate universe.
everything is different and yet the same, and something about it feels good.
you just don't want to leave.

i feel like god has given us that feeling for a reason.
i mean, i'm a mega lucid dreamer.
and selina is always sharing her crazy dreams with me.
but i wake up and think, eff reality again. D:
and then i re-think that and how terrible that is.
reality should be enough... but it's not.
no one thinks it is. everyone enjoys their snooze privileges.
and that makes me think dreams are okay.
that feeling of being unconscious must have purpose to some degree.

maybe that's how heaven will feel.
maybe not.

tim mcgraw

his music makes me cry more than it doesn't.
it's beautiful.
as is he.

1010.242010

-I wish you didn't make me miss you.
:I just wanted to see how you were.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
:But i was just talking with someone about the happiest moment I can remember and you know what it was?
-Nah, what was it?
:Just holding you at your house. :) That just felt so right.
-Wasn't expecting your answer to make my stomach drop.

?????????????

how much bullshit were you full of?
are you excited to be gone soon?
do you ever think of me?
and not just me as a person, just how i am and what i'm up to, and ever think to ask? probably not.
i try not to think of you either, but it happens sometimes.
i'm just not as strong as you, i don't think.
did you ever lie to me?
not in this past year though, because i know that's consisted of lies..
i'm talking about like in 08 or 09?
i don't even know what i'm talking about.
i shouldn't be talking about this.
i'm just sad tonight. and lonely.
and i'm fighting every urge in my body to not text you.
but it's only 2:06am right now.
i'm just hoping i'll make it til morning.
i still think of you.
i wish i knew you did the same.
or i just wish you'd tell me something to make me feel better one way or another-
tell me we're done for good and know for certain,
or tell me that it could happen when you're done doing what you're going to do.
i just need to know something.
but that something- i cannot post here.
maybe you'll eye this, know it's about you and text me.
i'd like that.
:<


i wasn't this emotional before i met you.
and that, i know for certain.

i truly believe

that i have the best brothers in the world, and that no brothers are greater than mine.