7.13141516.11

four straight days of living out of a van, sweating balls and getting eaten alive by mosquitoes. yes, indeed, it was a wonderful time.

this needed to be somewhere, before it was lost.

I DID NOT WRITE THIS. I TAKE NO CREDIT.
IT WAS ALL ERIC. AND I LOVE IT.

"we see the same skies.
the sun that shines on you,
shines on me too.

the pursuit of love seems meaningless
until you break us down into the core of ourselves
and realize that we,
all of us,
are broken.
those missing childhoods,
i have them too.
those tears, i cried them also.
those nights, i couldn’t sleep either.

in the moment you realize that,
you see that it’s worth it.
it’s all worth it.
you start seeing people as more than things.
more than skin and hair and lips.
more than you ever thought possible.
seeds, every one of us, waiting to become forests,
waiting for the sparks to set us on fire,
waiting for the rain to wash away our dead.

you have to know when to stop waiting.
you have to know when to go and do,
to let go of your hesitations and live.

we are moments of brilliance in the eyes of God.

set down your swords, put down your shields.
we are the biggest threats to ourselves.
no one can hurt us quite like we can.
so forgive yourself.
forgive yourself.
forgive yourself.
don’t come back until you do.

we are made of love.
we are made for love."

And I really want to know now

what exactly God thinks about all of his homosexual children.
He loves them and I know it.
But regarding their entrance into Heaven, what's up?
And as far as the actual sin itself goes.
I just want to know.
I want to know and let arguments be done.
That's all.

7.17.11

Sonshine Fest was good. So so good. The rain and all.
Favorite shows there:
For Today,
Jon's (from Hyland) Unofficial 1am Acoustic Show,
Tenth Avenue North,
aaaaaand Sleeping Giant.

Mm, that's all, really.


God never ceases to amaze me.
Ever.
He and His love.
Nothing greater.

7.10.11

you know how authors have to edit their writings over and over again before they can publish a book?
why is that?
why aren't their first thoughts ever good enough the first time.
or even the second time.

when taking tests, we're told not to doubt ourselves and go with our first instinct.
why isn't it the same when writing?
we write what we're thinking and it's not good enough until it's been edited a good 30 times...

WUT.

i am just full tonight.

so. so. full.
but i'm embracing it.
and all of the fullness.

"Keep company with God; get in on the best. Open up before God, keep nothing back; He'll do whatever needs to be done... God-strengthened, we're delivered from evil. When we run to him, He saves us." -Psalm 37:4,5&40

D:

why do i continue on with listening to sad songs?

last night:

i was really bothered.
i was bothered with my mind and my feelings.

on the way to duluth, i had my ipod on shuffle the whole way.
first i came across two chase coy songs in a row.
they made me sad.
they reminded me of those times in my room at my dad's.
i had my bed against the far wall with my head facing east.
i remember just laying in bed listening to those same songs.
months months months ago.
back to a time when i was heavily depressed.

i couldn't get my hands to next the songs in the car though.
i had to sit and listen.
and i had to sing with.
and i forced myself to think of those sad times.
i thought about how my times now and my times then aren't any different.

i realized the only difference is that i've been holding my head up higher.
until last night, that was.
it made me sad all over again.

i'm tired of being sad.
and i'm tired of being lonely.
what also bothers me is that arizona is only going to be another distraction.
my sadness only gets buried for awhile.
it never fully dies in the sand.
and when i think it's gone, it reappears.

i also came across the song 'tonight' by fm static last night.
there's a part in the song that says:
"i remember the time you told me about your jesus,
and how not to look back even if no one believes us."
i don't know why i always hear it, but i do.
and it always makes me sad.
every single time.
i spent a good half hour partially crying while driving.
i felt so stupid.
but i just kept crying, anyways.

we took no computer pics together,

but i guess that's alright.
we have a few mirror ones together.
and adorable pictures of nathan with my brothers. :)

i really hope he had a good time.
we didn't do a whole lot, but i never do a whole lot.
so.

------------------------------------

"don't have much to say to ya."
-well, let me know when you do.
"i don't think i will."

^this is all makes me sad; more sad than i already was.
i love her to death, but i think she's blown shit out of proportion.
and i don't like it.

so now until we're okay, i'm stuck with slim. D:
and all i want to do is respond.
but i can't even do that.
because anything i say will only be rejected.